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Grief is something all of us experience at one time or another. The loss of a parent, a child, a spouse or a friend can devastate us. In our loss, it's often difficult to find comfort or understanding. What comfort can we get from the Bible? What does God promise us?
In Jesus, we have a comforter who understands what it is like to live in a human body and suffer the pain of human loss. “15 For we do not have a high priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but One who has been tempted in all things as we are, yet without sin. 16 Let us therefore draw near with confidence to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and may find grace to help in time of need.” (Hebrews 4:15-16 NAS)
When Jesus lost His friend Lazarus, he wept. “35 Jesus wept. 36 Then said the Jews, Behold how He loved him!” (John 11:35-36) Heartbreak and sorrow are not a mystery to our Lord. He knows them and has sympathy for our losses. But sympathy is little comfort to the woman that has to endure without her husband.
There is little physical or emotional comfort from grief. Part of living is surviving the death of a loved one. No matter how we try we can’t get around the aching, the pining and the loneliness. We also experience anger, both at God and the one who has left us. Depression, anxiety, and guilt are common feelings for those in grief.
During these times, it would be so easy to pull away from God and blame Him for the pain we feel. His shoulders are big enough for our anger so rail away at Him if it helps for a bit. But take the time to reflect on the comfort He offers us, too. We will be reunited:
”14 For if we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so God will bring with Him those who have fallen asleep in Jesus. 15 For this we say to you by the word of the Lord, that we who are alive, and remain until the coming of the Lord, shall not precede those who have fallen asleep. 16 For the Lord Himself will descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of the archangel, and with the trumpet of God; and the dead in Christ shall rise first. 17 Then we who are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air, and thus we shall always be with the Lord. “ (1 Thessalonians 4:14-17 NAS)
Share your tears with God. Sometimes, the tears of grief are really a prayer, even when there are no words. Tears help wash away some of the grief. If feels like there is a bottomless well of tears, especially when our grief is fresh. As you cry, reflect on what John says in Revelation 21:4, “And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away” (KJV)
Tears will come when you least expect them. Those things that you imagine will be painful aren’t so much and things you don’t expect to be painful will hurt miserably. It’s natural to start isolating yourself a little or even a lot so as not to have to deal with public displays of grief. You may even find that after a week or two, no one much wants to hear about your grief except those who grieve with you or have experienced a similar kind of grief. The loneliness of grief starts to compound. Yet there is One there for you. One who has promised never to leave your or forsake you. That One is God and He is ready to hear you. “Casting all your care upon Him; for He careth for you.” (1 Peter 5:7 KJV)
Your tears are so precious to God in fact that He records each one of them and stores them. ”You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in Your bottle. You have recorded each one in Your book. “ (Psalm 56:8 NLT) He so wants to help you through this and carry the burden for you. Jesus says, “Come unto Me, all ye that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. 29 Take My yoke upon you, and learn of Me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. 30 For My yoke is easy, and My burden is light.” (Matthew 11:28-30 KJV)
Grief often brings guilt along with it. All kinds of “if only” statements will pop up. If only I had made him go to the doctor, if only I had been driving, if only I didn’t let her go out that night. I know the pain of these “if only” darts. My beloved died of a heart attack despite my efforts at CPR. There is no fruit on the ‘if only’ tree, only despair. Be prepared to fight off these arrows with the truth, “And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to His purpose.” (Romans 8:28 KJV)
Yes, I do know that it seems like no good can come from your loss. And, it will probably not feel like it for a long time. Eventually, you will see how God allows you to use your pain to ease someone else’s burden. And this seems like poor payment for your loss. It surely is. For you. But not for the person that you are able to help. If you look around you, you will see people in your life who have suffered a loss ready and willing to help you through your loss. This is what God promises. “3 All praise to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. He is the source of every mercy and the God who comforts us. 4 He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When others are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us.” (2 Corinthians 1:3-4 NLT)
The awful truth is that nothing will make your grief go away and it may go on for a very long time. The comforting truth is that God is there to help you and sustain you through it. Reach out and take His hand. Let Him hold you and carry you through this. “Draw nigh to God, and He will draw nigh to you.” (James 4:8a KJV)
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