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When you first get married and open your wedding gifts, many of us are suprised to learn that our new spouse’s mother is part of the marital package. At first this may seem ok, but after the honeymoon is over, these feelings often change from OK to not so OK.
If you are a woman, you were expecting to be the only woman in your husband’s life. At the same time your mother-in-law realizes that someone else is now the center of
her “little boy’s” attention. But oddly enough, this isn’t what causes the friction in the in-law relationship. It is often just a lack of miscommunication and forgeting that you
two are not competing for your spouse but simply just have a different place in his heart.
Unfortunitely, this miscommunication thing leaves the two of you always on defensive and always thinking the one doesn’t approve of the other.
Here are some tried ideas that really can improve a relationship between the two of you. You may not become best friends but your husband may hug you for your efforts,
because it takes a lot of stress off his shoulders. He doesn’t feel torn between the two of you.
1. Change your attitude. This isn’t as simple as it seems but you will feel a lot better for it. Keep a cup on your counter, (preferebly one she gave you) and every time
you think of something negative about your mother-in-law, write something positive about her on a small piece of paper and put it into the cup. Sometimes this may simply
be she gave birth to your spouse, but you will be suprised on what you can come up with if you set your mind to it.
2. Remember that if it wasn’t for her, you may not be married to begin with. She is the one who gave birth to him. Write a thank you note to her for all the qualities
you love about your husband. When you are finished, seal it in an envelope and place it in the mailbox or your trash can.
3. Every time you see her, say something nice about the way she looks and about her son. At first this may not seem to make a difference but soon you will soften her heart.
4. Buy her gifts or send her a card. Not just on her birthday, but any time to suprise her.
5. Results-orientated therapy approach is a type of therapy that often helps broken marriages find hope again, but I feel this is a therapy that can work in any
relationship, especially this one. You can spend your lifetimes explaining why you or she do the things you do but it will not change anything that has happened in the past. You will need to move forward in the present to the future. You have the ability to lead the relationship in the right direction. No, you may not be able to forgive immediately, but you will feel better when you stop looking at things from a negative standpoint.
Write yourself a note and post it somewhere you will see it everyday. Refuel, Push Forward, Keep Going. And may tomorrow be a new day.
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